Ghosting vs. Honesty: Why Silence Is the Cruelest Response

Ghosting. Most of us have experienced it at some point if we’ve dated long enough. Those who married young and stayed married may not know how much it stings, but for the rest of us, it has become almost a rite of passage in modern dating.

The Time I Ghosted Someone and Why I Regret It

I will admit that I have ghosted someone once. It was years ago, during an “in-between” break-up phase. I met someone and we hung out a couple of times. From the start, I told him I wasn’t interested in dating seriously because my heart was still tangled up in a recent break-up. He didn’t respect my boundaries. He texted constantly, sent flowers, and pushed when I asked for space. I felt overwhelmed and, not knowing what else to do, I ghosted him. Looking back, I realize I could have been clearer. It would have been kinder to say, “I can’t give you what you want.” That experience left me feeling guilty, and I made a promise to myself that I would not ghost again.

Choosing Honesty Over Avoidance in The Future

Instead, I began to approach endings with honesty. I would say something like, “I don’t see us being long-term, and I am looking for companionship that lasts. I wish you the best and hope you find the right person.” It wasn’t always easy, but it felt better to give closure than to leave someone hanging.

When I Was Ghosted and How It Felt

Recently, though, I found myself on the other end of ghosting. I met someone unexpectedly. I wasn’t looking to date; I hadn’t dated in years. In fact, I told him that I don’t date. But he was funny, and I enjoyed his company, so I gave it a chance. He made the first moves, initiated all of our plans, and even charmed me with flattery that I didn’t fully take seriously. At one point, he told me he hadn’t liked someone this much in a long time. He was the one who leaned in, and I simply responded to what he presented.

We made plans a few times, and he seemed genuinely interested. We hung out four times. He told me he wanted to see me again, and we agreed to meet up on his next day off. Three days before, I shared something personal and important. I don’t want to provide details about what was shared, but it was the right time to share it and necessary to move forward. I gave him an out in the message I sent him, telling him, “I respect any whatever level of comfort you have or don't have with this.” He could have easily responded with, Unfortunately, this is out of my comfort zone, or I don't really want to move forward. Instead, he said, “We’ll talk about this more on Thursday as we gaze into each other’s eyes,” expecting we would talk about it in person. That gave me the sense that things were still moving forward.

On the morning of the day we were supposed to meet, he even texted me “good morning.” I replied with good morning. Hours passed. When the time came for us to meet up, I reached out to ask if we were still going to get together. Silence. I sent one more message, “okay, cool, ttyl”, and then… nothing. That was it. The man who made the plans, who had talked about looking forward to seeing me, who had built me up with compliments and attention, simply vanished.

That silence was confusing, not because I had fallen for him but because it didn’t make any sense to me. Ghosting does that. It is not just about one person. It is about every time you have ever been dismissed, ignored, or made to feel like your presence didn’t matter. It makes you question yourself. Did I do something wrong? Did I say too much? Was I too open?

Why People Ghost

I have researched this topic extensively, and there are many differing opinions. There are many reasons why people ghost, and the answer as to why it happens is always the same for each situation. For this specific experience, the man exhibited emotional avoidance. When I looked back on the time we spent together, the signs were there, based on some of the things he said. Everything was fun and games until a real, raw topic came up, and although he acted like it was okay, his actions told me that what I shared wasn’t, in fact, okay with him.

The thing is, we could have remained friends, and I would have been perfectly fine with that. I don’t like to make enemies with people, and I always prefer to leave on a good note. When someone ghosts, it shows a great level of disrespect. I can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t respect me.

I often see a lot of blame being shifted to the person who was ghosted in Reddit threads. In my case, I saw the signs of avoidance before I got ghosted, and I should have sent the “I think this is a mismatch” text instead of sharing my vulnerability. I take ownership of that.

Why Honesty Heals Faster Than Silence

But here is the truth I keep coming back to. Ghosting is not a reflection of my worth. It is not about whether I was interesting, attractive, or good enough. Ghosting is about the other person’s inability to face discomfort. It is about their fear of honesty. It is about avoidance.

Yes, rejection hurts, but honesty heals faster. A simple message, “I don’t feel a connection, I wish you well,” would have been kinder than silence. Silence is cruel because it leaves you suspended, searching for answers you will never get.

My experience reminded me of the promise I made years ago. Even when it is uncomfortable, I will not ghost. I will choose honesty because I know what it feels like to sit in the ache of someone else’s silence.

If you have ever been ghosted, hear me clearly: their silence says nothing about you. It speaks only of them and their limits. You are worthy of connection, respect, and closure.

Disclaimer: Journaling is a powerful tool to support your healing process. The CBT exercises in Journals to Healing journals are intended to help you analyze and reframe your thoughts as part of a personal growth journey. However, these journals do not replace therapy or professional help. If you are experiencing intense emotions or feelings beyond your control, please seek professional assistance. Resources such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) and Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7 for support. Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, and healing is a process.