Most people are not builders. Most people are consumers.

Let’s face it: The pandemic made the world weird. As if things weren’t strange before, the time people spent locked away, hiding under masks, made us even more disconnected. We seem to have lost our ability to connect. We got scared of each other. We allowed fear to become the all-consuming aspect of who we are now.

Performative Living: Are We Becoming the Robots?

Our society has been filled with performative toxicity. Now we are terrified of AI, but are we even recognizing that we are becoming the robots? Generating posts on social media that appear as though we are out having fun and deeply connecting is not what is happening. Behind the curated snapshots is a hollow echo chamber.

The last month has been unusually active for me. I typically spend my time working from home plotting ways to save humanity (or at least help heal a small corner of it). Lately, life has pulled me away from my laptop. I have been hosting visitors, attending networking events, and meeting people I had connected with online. In theory, it was a refreshing break. It was a crash course in realizing just how far gone things have gotten.

How Consumption Has Become All Consuming

I made three genuine attempts at collaboration, with no agenda other than let’s build something positive together.

Connection Attempt 1:

After attending one of their performances, I wrote to a local nonprofit that genuinely moved me to tears. I offered my professional marketing and graphic design services for free and volunteer work, with no strings attached. I sent a heartfelt message, posted content supporting them on my social media, and reached out directly to make it easy to say yes.

Result: Crickets.

Connection Attempt 2: 

After a signing event that went a little sideways, I contacted a bookstore manager because another participant tried to hijack it. Instead of throwing a fit, I stayed professional, and the store asked me to help organize future events. I proposed a strategic partnership to help build better experiences for all their authors and brands.

Result: Crickets.

Connection Attempt 3:

I connected on LinkedIn with someone who is an author in the mental health and humor space. Our conversation was lively at first. I offered a real-world marketing collaboration opportunity and professional support, including an invitation to an established bookstore relationship for a signing event.

Result: Subtle defensiveness, energy deflation, crickets.

Manufactured Clout vs. Authentic Connection

And if that wasn't enough, I also attended a networking event.

If you can call it that.

The experience was bizarre. It was a gathering of people standing around in cliques, talking only to the people they already knew, while simultaneously taking dozens of photos of themselves to make it look like they were networking. It was like being in a zombie movie, but everyone was clamoring for Instagram content instead of groaning for brains. My friend and I stood there, genuinely open to conversation, but it was as if we were invisible. I finally said it out loud: "These are not our people."

To top it off, a small group of women wearing pageant sashes and crowns used the event for photo ops in front of a random sign. It felt less like a place to build community and more like a desperate attempt to manufacture clout.

The Brutal Truth About Builders and Consumers

Building is hard. It takes effort, humility, time, and actual energy, personal energy, not the energy you suck away from others like a vampire thirsting for blood. Consuming is easy. Taking selfies at a networking event without actually networking is easy. Saying "let’s collaborate" on LinkedIn and ghosting when the opportunity presents itself is easy.

Most people are not builders.

Real Builders Are Rare. Consumers Are Everywhere.

They are consumers of moments, consumers of opportunities, consumers of energy.

And the ones who are builders?

We spot the difference faster now. We no longer waste our time begging mannequins to dance; we create our movements.

Build anyway.

Create anyway.

Lead anyway.

Many people claim to want to collaborate or work together, but they just want you to follow them or give them some shallow attention. They are scared of truly living or, even more than that, of being true to themselves.

At this point, I consider every weird encounter research for my next piece on how disconnected we’ve all become. After all, most people are not builders.

Disclaimer: Journaling is a powerful tool to support your healing process. The CBT exercises in Journals to Healing journals are intended to help you analyze and reframe your thoughts as part of a personal growth journey. However, these journals do not replace therapy or professional help. If you are experiencing intense emotions or feelings beyond your control, please seek professional assistance. Resources such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) and Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7 for support. Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, and healing is a process.