"I'm gonna make a change for once in my life It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference gonna make it right."
Man in the Mirror is my favorite song by Michael Jackson. Whether you love or hate him, his music carries powerful messages, and this one speaks to something we desperately need today.
Before I proceed, please put aside any controversy surrounding Michael Jackson. That’s not what this is about. Focus on the lyrics, the meaning, and the impact they can have if we apply them to how we interact with the world today.
Right now, we are living in a reaction-based society. People aren't engaging in honest conversations anymore. They’re engaging in battles. There is no room for nuance or understanding, only sides. People don’t listen to understand; they listen to respond, argue, and prove a point. Social media thrives on this because outrage keeps people engaged. It fuels an addiction to anger, tribalism, and self-righteousness.
It’s destroying relationships, our ability to think critically, and our willingness to reflect. And the worst part? Most people don’t even realize they’re caught in the cycle.
The Real Problem: We’re Trying to Change the Wrong Person
We point fingers. We blame. We demand others change.
But in doing so, we ignore the only person we have control over: ourselves.
"I see the kids in the street With not enough to eat Who am I, to be blind, pretending not to see their needs?"
Think about what’s happening in the world. The endless arguing, the refusal to see other perspectives, the need to attack anyone who doesn’t immediately align with one’s beliefs. And meanwhile, what are we not paying attention to?
Children are growing up in a world where anger is the default reaction. People are more concerned with proving they are right than creating meaningful change. The focus has shifted away from helping people to winning arguments. We have allowed media and social platforms to manipulate us into believing that our enemies are our neighbors, co-workers, and even our friends and family.
The biggest distraction from real change is outrage.
The Psychology of Outrage Addiction
Why does this happen? Why are people so drawn to anger, conflict, and division?
The answer lies in dopamine. The same chemical that reinforces habits, addictions, and pleasure is triggered by validation, moral superiority, and “winning” an argument. Social media platforms know this, so their algorithms push content that keeps people engaged, enraged, and reactive.
Every time you see a post that makes you angry and you comment, you get a dopamine hit.
You get a dopamine hit whenever someone agrees and feels justified in your outrage.
You get a dopamine hit every time you “own” someone in a debate.
It’s a cycle that feels productive but isn’t. It keeps people in reaction mode, never stopping to reflect or ask themselves, “Am I contributing to the problem?”
That’s the moment people need to have, the moment of self-awareness where they recognize the cycle they are trapped in. Breaking the Cycle: Healthy Sources of Dopamine
Instead of fueling outrage and division, we can train our brains to seek dopamine in ways that build us up instead of tearing others down. Here are some healthier ways to stimulate dopamine without feeding into negativity:
Movement and Exercise – Even as simple as a walk, physical activity increases dopamine levels and improves mood.
Creative Expression – Engaging in art, music, writing, or any creative outlet stimulates dopamine and promotes personal growth.
Learning Something New – Reading, listening to podcasts, or watching educational content creates a sense of accomplishment and boosts dopamine.
Acts of Kindness – Helping others, volunteering, or even offering a genuine compliment provides a deep dopamine boost.
Mindfulness and Meditation – Practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, or gratitude journaling helps regulate emotions and provides a more sustainable well-being.
Achieving Small Goals – Completing a task, setting and reaching a goal, or even checking something off a to-do list can give you the same rush—without the negativity.
When we shift our focus from reaction-based dopamine to creation-based dopamine, we start to rewire our minds for peace, growth, and fulfillment.
The real question is: Do you want dopamine from conflict, or do you want dopamine from progress?
How a Two-Hour Conversation Changed a Perspective
I recently had a conversation with someone I’ve known for 17 years. We don’t agree on everything, and in the current climate, this could have easily turned into another argument that went nowhere.
But I did something different instead of attacking, arguing, or shutting him down.
I listened. I asked questions. I let him ask me questions.
For two hours, we talked, really talked. And by the end, he admitted he saw things from a perspective he hadn’t before. Not because I forced him. Not because I “won” the conversation. But because I created space for him to think.
Most arguments today aren’t even about what people claim they’re about. They are about ego. They are about fear. They are about feeling threatened.
People get defensive because they feel like their identity is being attacked. They feel like they have to fight back. But if no one fights back, there’s no war.
The Ego Trap
"I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love It's time that I realize..."
Ego is what makes us feel personally attacked when someone disagrees with us. Ego makes us argue just to win rather than to understand. The ego is what keeps us from admitting when we might be wrong.
The world teaches us to identify with our beliefs. That’s why people take it so personally when someone challenges them. But if you can let go of your ego, you can start seeing disagreement as an opportunity to grow, not a personal attack.
This is the work. This is the challenge. This is what it takes to break free from outrage addiction.
It Starts With You
"I'm gonna make a change It's gonna feel real good Come on (change)Just lift yourself You know You've got to stop it Yourself (yeah)"
No one else is going to do this work for us. We need to commit to a better understanding as individuals. Do you really want to be unhappy forever? Is it worth it to fight with people so that you can be the right person? Is this addiction to outrage creating happiness in your life?
I get it. It’s not easy. I still fall into the traps of online battles. Sometimes, I catch myself typing out a response, ready to prove my point, only to realize that I’m just feeding into the same cycle I’m trying to break. I pull back. I remind myself that this isn’t where real change happens.
I write about these moments because I’m working on awareness myself. Writing helps me process it. It forces me to reflect, to see my patterns, and to recognize when I’m slipping back into outrage addiction. It keeps me accountable.
I also write about it because I want my readers to know that I’m not speaking from a place of perfection. I’m not above it; I struggle too. But awareness is the first step and every time I step back instead of reacting; I choose growth over ego. I can honestly say I live more peacefully because of this choice.
None of us are immune to this. But the more we recognize it, the more power we have to change it.
If we want to see change in the world, we must be the change ourselves.
That means:
Not taking the bait when someone tries to provoke you.
Asking questions instead of assuming you know everything.
Listening to understand, not just to argue.
Letting go of the need to be right all the time.
Recognizing when your ego is running the show and stepping back.
It won’t always be easy. There will always be people still caught in the cycle of outrage. But the moment you choose not to participate in the battle, you break free. You take back your power.
And that is the first real step toward change.
"I'm starting with the man in the mirror (oh yeah) I'm asking him to change his ways (better change) No message could've been any clearer (If you wanna make the world a better place) (Take a look at yourself and then make the change)."
Are you ready to make the change?
Disclaimer: Journaling is a powerful tool to support your healing process. The CBT exercises in Journals to Healing journals are intended to help you analyze and reframe your thoughts as part of a personal growth journey. However, these journals do not replace therapy or professional help. If you are experiencing intense emotions or feelings beyond your control, please seek professional assistance. Resources such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) and Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7 for support. Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, and healing is a process.
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